"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." Introduction Men and women are different; this used to be common sense, but we live in strange times where such obvious things can no longer be assumed. That men and women are different should be plain as the Scriptures refer to the creation of man and woman as distinct and deliberate events (Gen 1:27; 2:18-22). Our God is a God of order, and what He does has meaning and purpose; therefore any differences observed in creation carry significance. As the creation account reveals, God established different domains and then populated those domains with creatures uniquely suited to inhabit and function within their respective domains (Gen 1:3-28). Birds were equipped to dominate the sky, fish were fitted to rule in the sea, and man was formed to reign on the earth; none of these creatures fair well when forced into a different domain, as they are not designed to succeed there. All of this to point out that God makes things to be different so that they can act differently. Form speaks to purpose. Design foreshadows mission. What we are in our physical body carries a mandate to function a particular way. Denying the importance of our physical body, and the associated privileges and obligations, is a de facto rejection of God as our Creator and Lord. God made our physical bodies, and they were declared to be very good (Gen 1:26-31). The Son of God assumed a real physical body when Jesus was conceived in the womb of the virgin Mary (Lk 1:35; Jn 1:1-4, 14); thus, the goodness of the physical world God made, despite the reality and pervasiveness of sin, was reaffirmed. False teachers deny the real incarnation of Jesus (1 Jn 4:1-3), and the importance of the body, while true believers trust that Jesus is the Son of God become flesh. Bodies matter to God, and our worship of God requires the proper value and use of our bodies. True worship of God is, perhaps, more than what we do with our bodies, but it is never less! " I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."
Getting Down to It This, of coarse, brings us to a familiar passage in Ephesians 5. Notice how important bodies (flesh) are in Paul's admonition? Husbands are called to love their wives, as Christ loved the church. And how did Jesus love the church? By giving Himself up for her. And how did Jesus do that? By giving His body on the cross for her sins, as we remember every time we take holy communion (Matthew 26:26-28). Jesus did not merely have the willingness to give Himself for His bride; He actually did it. Jesus did not simply trick everyone by pretending He died on the cross; He truly gave up His life. If Jesus only was willing to give Himself, we could call Him a romantic. If Jesus only fooled everyone into thinking He died, we should call Him a fraud. But since Jesus committed Himself to His bride's good through the sacrifice of His real, physical body we can rightly call Him loving. A husband is commanded to love his wife the same way that Jesus did--giving up his body for the good of his bride. And just as Jesus' sacrifice was objective and physical, so too must the sacrifice of husbands be objective and physical. Action and deeds, along with His words, comprised Jesus' love for people. It is entirely foolish to behalf one way while insisting that our "heart" is in a different place, as though our "true" self is dissociated from our body of work (pun intended). How often do men treat others, particularly their wives, in an unloving way but insist that this is irrelevant because of what is really in their hearts? The husband who speaks and acts out of pride and selfish interest cannot claim to love in his heart. Jesus said our words come from "the abundance (or overflow) of the heart" (Matt 12:34). "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." Loving with our body means loving through our actions. Love is not mere talk with contradictory behavior. Love is giving ourselves through deeds that are in agreement with the words that we use. Let no man deceive himself; we can only spill what we are filled with, and our words and deeds (which are accomplished through the body) reveal what is really in our heart. A husband gives his body for the good of his wife, and this is only possible when he has his heart changed by Jesus and filled with the love of Christ (Rom 5:5).
The Other Body But we do not stop with the husband's body, because when Paul declares that a husband gives himself for his wife, what does Paul mean by "wife"? Paul refers to an embodied female, one particular person. Paul is not simply referring to the idea or reputation of a woman, as important as those may be, but to an objective reality. Scripture is talking about a specific human being, made in the image of God, who has been designed by God to be different in form than her husband, and thus designed for a different function. This particular female, with a unique body, entered into a covenant with her husband; this covenant being a promise and pledge of faithfulness and love until death. The husband is obligated to the woman with that body. And the husband, by giving his actual body, blesses her body. Paul tells us that Jesus gave up His body for the church so that He might "sanctify" and "cleanse" her. Her body is sanctified, set apart, for special use. Her body is cleansed from the defilement of sin. And all of this Jesus did so that His bride's body would be "holy and without blemish" (Eph 5:27). As Paul continues his admonition to husbands, he provides an interesting explanation for why it is good and necessary for husbands to love their wives: loving one's wife is the means by which husband's can love themselves, as the two become one flesh in marriage. Paul points out that no man ever hated his own body (flesh), but he takes care of it. Likewise, if the wife has become one flesh with her husband through marriage (and she has), then the best thing for a man to do is to love his wife's body as though it were his own, because in God's eyes it is. The husband's body now belongs to the wife, and the wife's body now belongs to the husband (1 Cor 7:4). The church is referred to as the "body of Christ" (1 Cor 12:27) because Jesus entered into covenant with her and she is now one flesh with Him. What is now done to the church is to be viewed as being done to Jesus Himself. If Jesus does not care about physical bodies, then the Christian faith becomes theoretical, flowery language devoid of any clear meaning. But Jesus loves His bride as He loves Himself, and a husband is called to love his wife as himself. Let's Be Clear About Love Love gives for the good of another. Love is a choice that promotes biblical good in the life of another person; love is not just a feeling of affection towards another, no matter how strong. Sin, on the other hand, is inherently selfish; it takes, regardless of what that will mean for the other. Sin is often content to make others suffer for the sake of personal satisfaction. Love, however, is content to suffer for the sake of the other's righteous satisfaction. Husbands are called to love their specific wife as she is, not how the husband may wish her to be. This command from God is good for both the husband and wife, as God has designed the marriage relationship to be a conduit of blessing to the one flesh union. As the husband gives his body for the good of his wife's body, both of them will enjoy the benefits. Loving someone means giving for them, and a good marriage is where a holy competition for giving exists between husband and wife. Where there is a husband who desires to sacrifice more and more of himself for his wife's good, there will be blessing. Where there is a wife who desires to entrust herself more and more to her husband for his good, there will be blessing. But the inverse for both will be true if either assumes a posture of taking rather than giving. A husband who refuses to give his body for his wife's good while demanding she give her body for his will injure both partners. And a wife who cannot give herself to her husband signals an unhealthy marriage. Few things torpedo a marriage more than a spouse's belief that they have already given more than the other, and are now refusing to give anymore until there is "equity" in their eyes. Wise spouses understand that their obedience to God's design for them in marriage will make the other spouse's obedience easier, and they understand that their own blessing in the marriage is dependent, in part, on the other's obedience. The need for both spouses to love in order to have a good marriage is an intentional feature of God's design. Scripture never says that our own obedience is to be conditional on the obedience of anyone else, but it is a simple fact that our own obedience will be made easier or harder by those around us. Husbands and wives have a unique opportunity to bring out either the best or worst in their spouse, and love labors to see obedience to God's will in the other. Role Distinctions The counterintuitive key to happiness in marriage is the exercise of love: the commitment to give, specifically through deeds of the body, for the good of the other. We often think that our happiness comes from getting, but Jesus says maximal happiness is found in giving (Acts 20:35). However, while husbands and wives both are called to love with their bodies, they do not give their bodies in the same way. In a simple sense, a husband gives his body for his wife, but a wife will give her body to her husband. Paul never says the wife is to love her husband as Christ loved the church. Instead, Paul instructs wives to "submit to [their] own husbands, as to the Lord" (Eph 5:22). Wives are commanded to "respect [their] husbands" (Eph 5:33). Husbands are never commanded to submit to their wives. The wife has a different role than her husband to play in marriage, but we should have expected that given her body is designed differently than his (remember, design foreshadows mission!). Men are called to lay their bodies down for the holy good of their wives; women are called to give their bodies to the leadership and protection of their husbands. The wife will feel loved when she see that her husband is willing to give himself for her good, and the husband will feel loved when he sees his wife willing come under his leadership. As men sacrificially love with their bodies, their wives will find it easier to entrust themselves to their husband's leadership and protection. As women give themselves with respect to their husbands, these men will be encouraged to show themselves worthy of their wife's trust by sacrifice. Final Thoughts God has blessed us with physical bodies to affect this world. No one can see what we are in our heart and soul, but they can see what we do with our body. God loves His people and has demonstrated this by sending His Son to become a man and dwell among us. Jesus loved by preaching, teaching, healing, feeding, and touching--and all of these expressions of love conveyed the same thing. Jesus never said one thing but did another; He always urged listeners to look at His deeds as confirmation for His words. Likewise, all followers of Jesus are called to love with our bodies. We are called to love in deed and truth, not just in word or talk. The call to love with our bodies finds its most explicit expression in the marriage relationship, with a husband and wife loving in slightly different ways with their bodies. God formed us to function a specific way, and acknowledging God's design for us is the critical first step to see human flourishing. Bad things happen when we reject our assigned role or usurp the role of another. Husbands are to love by giving their bodies for their wives. Wives are to love by giving their bodies to their husbands. These roles cannot be neglected, confused, or exchanged without damage. However, when people obey God's design there will be blessing, and we will see that it is indeed very good.
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AuthorI am follower of Jesus Christ by God's grace, married to Kelsey, father to four children, and pastor of Lighthouse Church (EPC). Archives
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